I’m getting on in years now, and to say I’ve lived each year to the fullest, not caring about the repercussions is some what of an understatement. I have a chequered past to say the least. I have no skeletons in my closet as my life has been like an open book to all willing to join the ride and now for all who ask. I’m open about everything I’ve done no matter how bad/dark and no matter how low I was, it’s life, these things happen. There’s no good in bottling or locking up things, they will only come back and fuck you over. The worse things I have done have never come back to fuck me up, but the thing I fear the most, more than anything is my past with girls. I treated girls like shit for over a decade. Used em and threw em away and worse. This is a small town and things are never forgotten. I should know. My name holds a certain black cloud over it when it comes to girls, and this black cloud ruins a lot of things. When ever I “fall” for a girl I instantly shit it, because I know as soon as the word is out the onslaught of hate and stories are unleashed onto the girl. I try to warn them but they never get just how much of a Cunt I was. Many times this past of mine has ruined relationships before they have even started. What’s worse is no matter what I say the girl never believes me because of the things she’s heard. I also have to work 10x harder to prove my self. Which always leaves me doubting if they actually do believe me. I’ve never cheated on a girl, but always been cheated on. I’ve never broken up with a girl but I’m always the one who gets dumped. Seeds of doubt are planted early and I’m always waiting for them to blossom. Today though I took hold of this, I actually took a bold step which I waited almost all day for a reply to. I laid my feelings out on the table so no doubts were left uncovered. And it paid off.. It not only reassured her, but also me, something I wasn’t even aware of feeling. For the biggest risk anyone can ever take, is letting someone know exactly how they feel about them.
